we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
