my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
try to milk me bitch
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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