im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think people are normalizing furries
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize