What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
