does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
