booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ok first of all what the fuck
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
