He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
