Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
