it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
