Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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