I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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