guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
