How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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