Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
