im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
