I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
