i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
