Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
