Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
