Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
