I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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