More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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