just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize