so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
