I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
