Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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