youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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