she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
