Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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