We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
