Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Non-Jews are for practice
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
