Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
