what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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