Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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