i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
