i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
