if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
