the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
