you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
