So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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