you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
