i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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