Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
