I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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