She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize