if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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