Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
