He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
