this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize