So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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