no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
