He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
