i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
