You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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