I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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