we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
