I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
