pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
