she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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