ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
