Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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