More tranny stories later!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
