Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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