he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
