Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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