I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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