but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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