WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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