You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
