You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
