So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
