My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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