what if every blade of grass was a penis?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
