This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize