My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
