best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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