One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Acid is not a monday night drug
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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