I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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