before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
