its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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