I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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