All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
