"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
