my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize