Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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