Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You smell like stripper and shame
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
