I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize