even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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