Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
