Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
