Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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