I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
