this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
