I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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