I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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