How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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