theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In other news, I just burned my penis
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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