You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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