Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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