I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
