Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
