Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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