I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
