Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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