i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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