I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
my poor anus
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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