gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
